The Hormone Tour

Welcome to Pregnancy Land and thank you for choosing to join us on the "Hormone Tour" where we will explore the crazy stages of a pregnant lady's emotions. Please take a seat, buckle up and keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle. We here at Pregnancy Land hope you enjoy your ride. Please note that you take this tour at your own risk and Pregnancy Land cannot be held liable for any offense or injury you may suffer.

Our first stop is the "I'm completely sane" fog tunnel. This is where the pregnant lady is convinced that she's not crazy and that she's acting completely natural. Note the heavy, dense fog swirling around us, making it impossible to see five inches in front of us. The pregnant woman is actually the one omitting the fog - and boy folks, she seems to be full of denial today!

Our next stop is the mud pit. This is where the pregnant lady has spent a lot of time lately, believing she's completely justified in her actions and words. Oh, here's a pregnant lady spotting now! You can see the mud pit has completely covered her up to her chest, but she's still thrashing about, even though that just makes things worse for her. What a silly pregnant lady, huh kids? Let's hope someone pulls her out out soon!

The next stop is the wet room. It's the one stop that is slightly comforting and helpful to a pregnant lady. A place full of pillows where the pregnant lady can curl up into an almost fetal position (she is pregnant, you know) and have a good cry. The only problem is all the pillows are wet from tears - so unless you're doing the crying, it's not a fun room for you to be in. Visitors are welcome 24/7 in this room to console the pregnant lady, and the husband is required to check in every now and then or suffer some pretty mean consequences.

Now we've come upon the paranoid room. All these eyes staring at you kinda freaks you out, doesn't it kids? Yup, this is a room no one wants to be in, and especially so for pregnant lady. This is where she goes when she starts asking too many questions: "Am I doing the right thing?" "When she said I'm getting big, was she saying that I was getting fat?" "Did I register for the right things?" "Should I have said something?" "Did I say too much?" "Am I pushing my friends and family away with my attitude?" "Does he hate me now?" And the scariest thing about this room? There's no real escape. There's a little bit of the pregnant woman in here all the time.

The last room, and the end of our tour, is the sunshine room. Because even though the pregnant lady is mostly in the other rooms, there are short bouts of clarity. This is when the pregnant lady sticks her head out of her toosh and starts making sense. She can actually join civilized people in a conversation, possibly about a subject other than pregnancy too if you're lucky! It doesn't last long, but it does give us a glimpse of hope for the future.

And that wraps up our Hormone Tour. On behalf of Pregnancy Land we appreciate your visiting us today!